First Snow... First Christmas Tree

-AS TRANSCRIBED BY MY HUMAN-

Dear Jolie,

My human tells me that you want a puppy because you've seen how cute I am. I think this is a good idea but I know that my human has not shown me in my best light. I am threatening to bring down that thing she calls a Christmas Tree if she doesn't tell you the truth, so here it is.

You haven't seen all of the pictures and you don't know how brilliant a puppy can be. For example, a slipper has a much stonger scent than that stupid thing they call a 'Flumpamus' does. I know...I know...slippers are what puppies do....but we do it so well.

You don't see me with my friends, the houseplants. They must love me because as much as I chew at them, they never move. In fact, they seem to give up pieces of themselves just for me!

And, my humans keep me in their bedroom at night. This is good because I'm a pack animal and need 'family' around. Knowing that, I rummage around my crate, banging and scaping....just so they know I'm there. If I need them, they must need me, right?

Everything is new to me...I wish you could see all of the things I have discovered...the stove, rock salt, scarves, rugs, coats, magazines, the ottoman, socks, remotes, cabinets, newspaper, toilet, cable wire (any wire is good...), refrigerator, table legs, grit on the floor (oh, my God- grit is great!), what they call tree needles, toilet paper, couch arms, mail ( I love mail.....), dust bunnies, cardboard....Oh ....cardboard. It is everywhere! Soda boxes, Christmas boxes, shoe boxes...heaven....

There are things I can do, but she never has the camera then. I can almost climb the sofa, if I use my teeth. I can jump down four stairs in one leap, though it makes my human grab her breastal area and scream. I can throw up at a moments notice and have several times. It's a useful skill that elicits interesting responses. I can slither past table legs, under footstools, around my crate, and over the backdoor stoop.


So, you can see my attributes are many. Get a puppy...he/she needs you. Call my human if you need to.

Your Canine Friend,
~Meander